Disease of Bargaining and Perspectiveby admin on 12/15/2011
Cancer is a disease of bargaining and perspective.
While a deeper explanation is certainly warranted soon lets say for now that I have brain cancer and am on my 2nd go at chemo.
A few days ago the whole right side of my body had diminished function. Mainly it was with my leg emphasized by me crashing into everything. My fine motor control was affected in both my leg and arm, more noticeable in the arm because the leg was more greatly affected. My face did not droop but my speech was impeded making me slur my words.
Internal dialog up until I checked into Mayo Emergency Room.
Whole right side of body effected.
When I first got the brain tumors the progression of loss of control was a slower progression not intant (as this was).
Heart is at half my normal refraction rate. This must be a cardiac event like a stroke.
It could also be cancer. This would be bad as my current tumor is on the right side and my right side is effected there would be a new tumor.
A day later my situation had improved and a day after that on the way to the Mayo Emergency Room (I was out of town) I became convince that it couldnt be a tumor as tumors have a way of not getting better…
I hope I had a stroke…
This is what was circulating in my head most of my waking moments during this time. I was distraught when the ER Doctor was pretty sure it was a new tumor as well when she told me tumors can wax and wane (i.e. not the behavior I expected out of tumors.
Fortunately we were both wrong. My tumor had grown slightly (about 10%) and I had edema (swelling of the brain) which was responsible for the effects on the right side of my body (I am taking steroids for this – it is working.).
The outcome / cause was about the best thing I could hope for. Six months ago I didnt envision myself hoping I had serious cardiac event – bargaining / convincing myself this was the case. I guess that is what you get when get brain cancer that really just seems like it doesnt want it to go away. On another day, a cardiac event would not only be most unwelcome but rather scary. Just another day for a cancer patient I guess.